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A Haunted Life - chasing my own ghosts

Today is my birthday.
I am 59 years old.

I am proud to have reached this milestone with my sanity mostly intact.
There where certainly times when I thought I had lost it completely and my own silliness led me down pathways that I regret, in hindsight.


But...this path is what it is.

It has been filled with ghosts.

Mostly of my choosing.

Strange, that most haunted people will tell you that they would wish otherwise.
They long for their nightmares to just go away.



Yet I have spent my life trying to work out who these energies are and why they have been around steadily pushing me in one direction as I mostly screamed and pushed in another.

The ghosts I have struggled with most are remnants of the terrors I inherited from my parents.

They are the manifestations of fear so deeply ingrained into their psyches through a war they barely survived which then became my nightmares.

These creatures, so awful and so dark, plagued my mind as a child, becoming so real that I had no words to describe them.
Just screams.



They have been with me always - but slowly I have learned to heal them through listening to what they have tried to say to me.

Since then, I can say, that no ghost terrifies me any more.

No darkness, no fear can be more frightening than what I have already seen inside my head and with my own heart.

I choose to be empathetic to such spirits.

I no longer feel the need to banish, move on or be rid of those ghosties that cause trouble or are frightening.

I long to learn about them, and ask, "Why are you so? What has driven you to this point to not accept peace as an option?"
Whose terror are they reinforcing?
Theirs?
Or our own?





I know they have a story to tell and that more often that not they are here because her have invited them in to teach us more about ourselves.

Once the fear goes - the lesson starts.

This has come with long years of study and suffering on my part.

This is not a task to be taken lightly by anyone who has not journeyed down the deep, dark path of their own soul and understood what they have seen.

It has taken me until I reached this ripe fruitful age to understand completely (and yet not so).

For the more I think I know - the more is slowly revealed.

Oh, how I wish I was right here right now but 20 years younger!!

But I am so grateful that I am well, strong and am finally living MY LIFE - filled with my ghosts and I just keep adding to them with total commitment.

My life would not be complete without my ghosts, without searching for the next piece of the puzzle, without a day of learning about the worlds that many do not care for, or dis-believe in.

That's OK - they don't have to.

I though, choose to believe in all of the unseen as I witnessed it all from the moment of my birth.

It has taken me my whole lifetime to embrace it all lovingly and passionately.

There is so much to experience - do not hesitate to be a part of it.

Let the naysayers have their thoughts.

and ideas on how the world turns.

We, in our quite moments, will close our eyes and know in our hearts that we know better and we shall continue to talk to our ghosts for they need us and we need them.






Comments

  1. Unknown12 October 2017 at 03:29

    So eloquently written. We all have our own ghosts. Of that I am sure.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Gemma Rose18 October 2017 at 17:43

    Beautiful written Renata, deeply personal, and profoundly honourable. Ghosts within us, ghosts with out us, nothing to fear bu the fear itself, at which point, embracing, conversing and understanding are good key points to accepting. Much love. xox

    ReplyDelete

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